March 29, 2005

The difficulty of hills

I'm not talking about real hills. I can handle those. I'm talking about the hills in the quality of training. I find it insane that I can lump out over 17 miles one day, but can't handle 5 the next.

Not that today's 5 was terrible -- I've had worse runs. But between my lungs not cooperating, the high humidity, the high wind, and my aching right calf, I had a difficult run. Slowed to a walk three times, though not for long each time. I didn't feel like I *had* to push it...just wished I could've finished this one without walking. My right calf was telling me to take it easy. The hardest thing is to get going after a little walking; that takes real effort.

It was supposed to be sunny today, but the sun didn't come out 'til long after my run. Instead, it was overcast and cloudy, though warm and humid (mid-50s). The trees, concrete, and rocks all were verdant with revived moss, no doubt thanks to the record-setting rainfall we received yesterday. The rain held off today 'til I was about five blocks from home, then it started to rain again. No big deal, actually; it didn't bother me.

I hope I can get in 8 tomorrow afternoon or (if my calf doesn't feel better by then), a good solid 8 on Thursday is a must.

March 28, 2005


Couldn't get to sleep last night; legs were all twitchy and jumpy from the long run. Took me until about 5 a.m. to get to sleep. Hope that's not a continuing problem. Does that mean I didn't tire myself out enough yesterday??

Getting lucky with the weather too. It rained yesterday morning, then again last night a couple hours after my run, and right now its pouring.

March 27, 2005

It isn't hard if you do the hard part first, right?

I'm sitting here gobbling hard boiled eggs. Why? Because I'm farkin' hungry and that's what I have in the house that's already cooked. Besides, there's nothing like a warm hard-boiled, slightly salted egg. They're incredible. And edible.

Loooong run today. 17 miles and change. (Again, the GPS seems off. Claims 17.1, but I figure it was closer to 17.5; it doesn't really matter). I am so tired! But not as tired as I should be, I think.

Weather: 47 degrees, cloudy. Sun broke through about 2/3 of the way into the run, then went back into hiding 15 min. later. No biggie. Less sunburn, right? Moderately windy, enough that I'm glad I kept my hoodie on after my warmup; in fact, I got chilled enough in the last six miles to zip it up all the way for awhile. Also never took the gloves off, which turned out to be a good thing for reasons detailed below.

Route: up the hill, then around the park 5 times. I had considered going to Central Park and doing 3 laps, but by the time I got my act together today, Prospect Park was my only option for getting back before dark. Besides, I didn't want to fight potential Easter crowds in CP.

I ran the first three laps of PP in the normal "harder" direction and was pleasantly surprised at my ability to chug up the north hill without too much stress. At about mile 9, I began to get some pain in my left heel, at the bottom on the inside. Weird. I paused, stretched out that leg, retied the laces, and got back to jogging. And THAT was the ONLY time I stopped the entire run!

My mistake may have been in switching directions, that's when the pains really started to come. Or maybe its because I'd finished 11 miles at that point. I made sure to run on the crown of the road when I could and battling the little bastards kids on bicycles didn't help with my energy. I was getting fatigued; tense and achy in my shoulders, especially down my right arm. But no stopping mid-plan! Keep running! I was rather amused to witness a group of four bicyclists shout ahead at one of them, taking him to task for not staying out of the way. They were nice enough about it -- I think the kid got the point.

I had been counting DOWN miles this whole time and the run seemed to go easier because I never really thought "I've done ten miles; I've done a half-marathon; I've now gone farther than I've ever gone under my own power in my life." No, it was a lot easier to do the first four miles by considering them the "hard" miles. After that, I reasoned, I wasn't running any farther than I'd already done last week. Right?

By the time I had less than five miles to go and was facing the south hill, I promised myself that if I ran up it, I could walk it the final lap. Then I made it around and ... ran it again. And then I was at the top of the park and slowing down to a walk at the entrance -- over 17 miles!

Fuel: I took with me a full fuel belt of Gatorades, plus an additional pre-packaged Gatorade, the Power Gel left over from last weekend's race, and half a roll of lifesavers. I made sure to keep hydrating on a regular basis, pretty much one a mile. After the first lap, though, I set my Gatorade bottle, mostly empty, on top of a call box and left it there, figuring it'd be gone by the time I finished the second lap. Nope, there it was, and I finished the Gatorade in it. Began taking on the solid fuels about mile 10. Wound up getting the power gel goo all over my right glove -- turns out, it makes pretty good glue if it soaks in. I'm not sure the solid fuels do much for me, but perhaps the evidence is that I didn't slow to walking at all...

Next weekend, a full, solid 18. I do believe that by May 1st I'll be ready for this "marathon" thing.

But if the chickens go on strike, I'm screwed.

March 25, 2005

2 runs in 1 (post, that is)

After Wednesday's crappy weather, I was actually looking forward to getting out yesterday to make up the 8-miler. I really didn't like taking two days off in a row.

The route was simple: up the hill, around the park twice, and downhill to my house. I made absolutely sure to get in a short warmup jog and good stretching beforehand and also duplicated the seemingly successful cooldown/stretching routine of the last couple of runs.

For some reason, I had really good luck with the traffic and was able to jog all the way uphill without having to pause at the corners for lights, even though my body would have appreciated it. Once into the park, I ran the loop in normal direction once, and realized as I was completing it that I had not yet paused in my running; not for traffic, no for fatigue, not even for coughing and spitting. Hm. I told myself I could pause and walk/stretch at the turnaround while I hydrated, but for some reason, I just swung around and started back and drank as I ran. I wasn't running quickly, by any means, but I still hadn't stopped.

Surely the last big hill before finishing the park portion of my run would slow me to a run...but no, not this time! I was able to just keep plugging away at it and made it all the way up. Then out of the park and the nice ending of the downhill run home. I did the entire 8 miles without a single pause! This is tremendous! Three weeks ago, I was gasping for air and having foot pain and five months ago couldn't go two blocks without stopping; and NOW I can do eight miles with hills without stopping! What a highlight!

I ran again today, making this my first two-days-in-a-row in some time. Just five miles, but I sure could feel yesterday's eight mile run! I think I need to start stretching between runs and making absolutely sure to get my plantar fascia thingie worked out on the little roller. I again ran strong today, even starting out at a brisk pace, but at about mile three, in the middle of the flat stretch around the bottom of the park, familiar aches and pains were starting up again. Right plantar, yesterday's blisters, left ankle. I slowed my pace some and made sure to run the crown of the road and told myself we'd see if the pain would work itself out or not.

By the time I was running uphill to the top of the park, the pain was lessening and by the time I got home, it was gone again. Still, though... more stretching, more concentration of between-run care.

Of note: I carried my GPS on both runs. It was accurate yesterday, but today, at the end of a solid five miles, it only read 4.14. What the hell?? I panned back on the track log and found that the first time it had fixed my location (had a good signal) was at the top of the park -- after my run up the slope to the park entry. That explained the short distance. I do look at the total moving time it records and that, too, is accurate (checking it against my start and stop times), but it seems like my per-mile time is settling in the 11:15 range. Maybe I should try the next couple short runs in Redhook, where its all flat, and see what my flat base time is.

March 23, 2005

Depressing weather

God, what a depressing fucking day! You name it, I can't win.

The weather is cold, miserable, rainy crap. I was supposed to run 8 miles today. While I'm willing to run in the rain or snow or cold or heat... I draw the line at 35 degrees and rain/sleet/snow mix. It isn't slick, it's just tempting pneumonia or something. I can certainly put in the 8 tomorrow and the next 5 the day after -- that won't kill me doing it back to back, but I don't like taking two days off from running; not this close to the marathon.

I looked at the schedule and realized this weekend is supposed to be another 16-miler, not the 18 I remembered it being. So now a dilemma: do I do the 16 and try to discipline myself into not walking any of it? Or do I just go the whole 18? Probably I'll do the former and...if still feeling like I have two miles left in me, finish 18. I don't want to overtrain, but I do think that knocking out 18 three weeks in a row will be a huge confidence booster.

Other things have been crappy today, too. I'm bogged down in taxes, the middle of a lighting plot due Saturday, and also getting out letters for my June fundraising event. While combing through the new Alumni Report from my grad school (to update my address book); it just gets to be depressing, looking at all these over-achieving people my age or younger listing endless credits and accomplishments. Even the ones getting married and having kids rankle me. I used to be the over-achiever; what happened? My career-building definitely needs a kick in the ass.

On the other hand, when I do meet my cohorts, I notice that of the ones who no longer have that "hungry" look in their eyes -- who are working steadily, consistently, getting paid on the better end fo the scale -- well, they're still stressed. Their health is going downhill, they're gaining weight, getting grey, and obsessing over continual, constant work in order to feed their new families. I have to say that -- as far as basic issues of freedom, responsibilities, health, and general balance -- I'm pretty happy with much of my life. I may never be living in a penthouse or win a Tony -- but I'm fairly sure I'm not going to die of a heart-attack at 40.

I have no food in the house. Now I gotta get into my raingear and go to the grocery. Damn. When will that new grocery they just broke ground on 1 block from my house be done??

March 21, 2005

Pushing a Five; Let's Talk about Warm-ups and Cool-downs!

So tired this morning! After the Brooklyn Half Saturday and six hours of strike and re-hang to wrap up Rebel Without A Cause last night, my body did NOT want to get out of bed, bend, or even move. But responsibilities call and I needed to get some breakfast and get on the phone.

Yesterday I began reading the Competetive Runner's Handbook, which I picked up at NYRR headquarters. I'm not allowing what I read in there to sway me from my current training schedule -- I'll get through May 1st with the book I'm using now -- but I am picking up some good information.

One of the bits I've read so far that I need to pay more attention to is my warm-ups and cool-downs. Coupled with what the doc was saying at last week's seminar on preventing injuries, it made a lot of sense. 1) Before stretching, warm-up. The muscles are more elastic that way. 2) ALWAYS cool-down by some easy walking around before post-run stretching and don't just plop your butt down. Keep the blood moving as the body readjusts to near-resting state. And 3) it is probably good to push the pace a bit on shorter runs, to begin to recruit fast-twitch muscle fibers. Not all-out sprinting, of course, just... kick it up a notch.

So. Bearing all that in mind, I did today's warm-up much like Saturday's had turned out to be: some walking, light stretching, five to ten minutes of easy jogging, then serious pre-run stretching. By the time I was done with that, I found I was more than ready to tackle a brisk five miles. Instead of my body sluggishly responding for the first half-mile, I was good and strong from the start!

I ran the five-mile loop from my house, up the Slope, around the Park, and down the Slope. Standard for me and, according to my little GPS, its exactly five miles and change (a few hundredths). Peeeeeerfect! I ran at a good clip, for me, slowing down only a little on hills and really trying to pick it up on downhills. I'm finding that I don't change speeds very easily! The GPS had me, overall, at exactly an 11:00 pace, but I figure I was doing a 10:30 for most of the run, save the hills.

Cool-down. After throwing my hoodie back on and grabbing my jug of Gatorade, I conscientously walked another quarter mile before returning to my stoop for some extended post-run stretching.

Results of this change in my warm-up and cool-down routines: NO PAIN! Seriously, none! The foot pain that's been plagueing me for a couple of weeks has disappeared. I had/have no joint pain at all right now. Maybe proper warming/cooling is going to make all the difference for me.

After a long, hot shower, I'm now sitting here gobbling hard-boiled eggs and water and checking email and preparing to go to rehearsal tonight. What a great run today. Top five, at least!

March 19, 2005

16 unbrilliant miles; NYRR Brooklyn 1/2 Marathon

What is it with all these races starting at insanely early hours?? It was 9 a.m. in the dead of winter, now it's 8 a.m.! Do you know how early I have to be up just to get somewhere by 7:30 a.m. or so?

I was determined today to get down to the race early and get in three miles before the race started, considering my schedule called for 16 miles and I knew I wouldn't feel like running after the race. I was up at 5:30 so I could do my therapy and get out of the house.

As I futzed on the train putting on my number and getting my fuel belt ready, I slowly realized nearly everyone else in the car was also in running gearr; we all looked very ready to go. When the train stopped and we all got off at Coney Island, we definitely looked like some "greet the sun with painful calisthenics" sort of cult.

After putting my bag on the correct bus (they bussed people out to Coney Island and bussede our baggage up to the Park), I got in a solid mile before having to break off and wait for the port-a-johns. The lines were huge! But I took the opportunity to ditch my hoodie and stretch as best I could. Then I got lined up on the boardwalk and the race was on!

Unlike any of my other runs, this one was a steady and predictable run -- steady rate of rising stress, that is. I started out well. We ran a couple of miles on the boardwalk itself and I found the boards suprisingly easy to run on. About a mile into the race, I passed Lu, the old Chinese guy with the bells, and greeted him. (I would see him again a couple more times as we'd pass each other; I do believe he finished well ahead of me today.)

We left the boardwalk and jogged right up Ocean Parkway, which was closed off just for us! It's a long, almost straight shot from Coney Island to Prospect Park. As the miles went by, I was having a harder and harder time. Not getting weary, exactly, but just increasing foot pain (though never terrible) and increasing fatigue. I made sure to hydrate at every single water station, as well as from my own fuel belt. I also made sure to keep popping Lifesavers and used the Power Gel before the race. I think a few more painkillers next time would be a good idea.

We entered the Park at the eastern corner and -- cruelly -- the route now did a giant backwards "e" involving two long uphills. I walked the first uphill, but managed to run most of the second and last hill. We ended up in the middle of the park. I've been tired before, but this one really took it out of me!

I wasn't about to give up on the 16-mile goal, though, and after stretching a bit, getting some banannas and drinking more water, I got my stuff off the bus and headed up the park again, walking. I may not finish today running, but I would damn well get in 16 miles! I was shortly joined by another runner, a woman about my age, also named Chris, who was looking for the R train. At the top of the park, I showed her the F station entrance, but convinced her to keep walking with me (we were having a nice chat) downhill to the 4th ave/9th street station. Once we got down there, I realized the R train is there, too! I pointed out the entrance to the R platform to her and we said goodbye. That was a really nice walk home -- and my GPS said I'd put in 15.9 miles.

Race results are here. Once again, my time was almost exactly 2.5 hours. I was one minute slower today than last time, even though I believe I walked less. But I was never running quickly, that's for sure.

Anyway... 4th ING qualifer down, 5 to go. I am a little apprehensive about my (feet's) ability to go the whole distance in Cincinnatti...but I look forward to the challenge. I also find myself keeping my fingers double-crossed that my ING entry will get picked this year.

March 18, 2005

Great 8 mile run!

Okay, real quick: photos from last weekends half marathon, the Pfizer Oncology challenge thing:
pictures from my first half-marathon

Yesterday, after working in the morning, I came home and geared up for an 8 mile run. Took two bottles of gatorade with me, and some lifesavers. I was afraid the problems I've been having would make this very difficult, like things have been the last couple of weeks. But I was to be pleasantly surprised!

I basically made it an excercise in hill-running. The first up-the-slope; no problem. Feeling pretty good; slight pauses at street corners. Coming downhill, though, I was stopped cold about four blocks down as the pain in my feet just mounted and mounted. I couldn't believe this! How am I going to do a marathon if I can't get two miles?? Well, I took some time and really really stretched out and waited for the pain to subside a bit, then I started jogging again. it still hurt going downhill, though not as bad. At the bottom of the slope, I stretched again, then headed back up hill. The little GPS I got off eBay (see here)seemed to be off (overestimating), but that could just have been the stopping and going messing it up. I went back up the slope, in and out of the park real quick, then headed down again. The pain was a lot less on the downhill this time and was generally subsiding altogether.

I went uphill oen more time, then headed into the park and across to the northwest corner, then turned and ran all the way home. By the time I entered the park, I was feeling good; strong, energetic. The lifesavers are helping (thanks Rachel!). I got home and by my estimate had done eight miles, maybe just a shade under. The GPS confirmed 7.9 miles.

This was probably my second best run ever and thankfully a lot easier than previous runs. My time was incredibly slow, though the second half was pretty good. I think the antibiotics are kicking in and suppressing the infection in my lungs, so my breathing's easier. I'm certainly coughing less up. And the foot pain is getting worked out with some tips I picked up at a NYRR lecture. (I'm rolling my arches over this little golf-ball sized knife sharpener thing I've got and that really is beginning to help.)

Tomorrow morning, 8 a.m.: Brooklyn half-marathon from Coney Island to Prospect Park. I WILL, by God, get there early and warm up for three miles and get a good stretch in between warm-up and race.

March 15, 2005

Injuries? Dammit.

For only the second time, I cut my run short today. I hate doing that; I feel like a quitter. But the pain in my right foot has not gone away and is getting worse. It's not too bad downhill or uphill, but on the flats it really flares and it also bothers me off and on throughout the day. Today's run, I got to 2.3 miles and I just realized what a phenomenally stupid thing it might be to continue running with this kind of warning signal.

I'm going to an NYRR lecture tonight on running injuries and hope to ask some questions there. I also still have the referral for the foot doctor from my insurance, so I may call tomorrow for an appointment. If necessary, I can cross-train with rollerblades and bicycle to keep up the cardiovascular workouts while this injury heals. I would like to run the Coney Island half marathon this weekend, but don't know if that will happen -- certainly not if my foot isn't feeling better by Friday.

March 13, 2005

First official half-marathon!

I just got home from running my first qualifying half-marathon. It was a beautiful day in Central Park for a run. I wished my body knew that. I spent the run in more distress than last weekend's 14 miler. Part of that is the conditions of the race -- its hard not to get anxious when there's a time limit; but part of that was just -- an off day. Didn't have the energy I wanted; lungs still not up to speed. My right foot still complaining, at times loudly.

Lots of positive things though. My first six miles was fairly standard, even though after two miles, I got too warm. I ran most of the race with my hoodie tied around my waist -- does anything else scream "beginner" more than a hoodie tied around one's waist? Maybe the fuel belt. Anyway, the first lap -- OK. Didn't walk on the uphills. The route was clockwise, so this was my first time doing the Central Park loop backwards; it was interesting. The two major uphills were pretty killer, but no worse than Prospect Park's major uphill.

The last seven miles got much harder, to the point (in miles 8 and 9) that I thought I'd end up finishing this walking. Fortunately, I finished jogging, though very very slowly.

I was pleased to note that I did not get lapped by the leaders until mile 6 and even at mile 7 (where the finish line was set up), I'd still only been lapped by seven runners, though when you do get lapped by people running five and six minute miles, you feel the breeze!

As usual, we at the back of the pack quickly began to recognize each other and there's a sort of comraderie built up after several miles -- a little competitiveness, too, I suppose, but mostly comraderie. And real concern for each other. I must have sounded like hell to the others the last six miles. With all of us doing bouts of walking, we kept passing each other. (I did get a grin out of one older gentleman who at mile seven finally passed me and commented, "I've spent the last four miles trying to catch up to you!" He wound up finishing one or two minutes ahead of me and was never out of my sight.)

One of the guys who was quite conspicuous was an old Asian gentlemen, whom I recognized from the last couple of ING Marathons. He carries short strings of sleighbells so he jingles as he runs. Turns out, he runs only slightly faster than I, but takes sit-down breaks periodically -- so we were pretty even most of the race. I asked him at mile 9 if he was alright, he said he was. He nearly caught up to me by the end, too. I actually waited for him after crossing the finish line so I could shake his hand. I'm considering the Coney Island 1/2-marathon next Saturday and he said he's going to be there.

Other people can definitely affect my mood while I'm out there. For a good four miles, there was this group of three women and one guy (the women weren't officially in the race) jogging together. I could hear snatches of their constant conversation, which became clear and LOUD the moment I passed them. One woman just would NOT shut up! I mean, she's running for christsake and I swear she never inhaled. Just blah blah blah blah blah on and on. Fortunately, I didn't have to listen to that for long.

So. though I walked quite a bit in the last five miles, I finished the race running. A couple weeks ago, I mailed in my ING Marathon entry for possible lottery selection. One of the questions is about how fast I've run the marathon or half-marathon. I had only done 12 miles in Central Park at that point, but based on that time and allowing for this and that, I guessed for a half-marathon -- 2 1/2 hours maybe. I looked up at the timer as I crossed the finish line and -- subtracting the 30 seconds at the start of the race before I crossed the starting line -- it was 2 1/2 hours precisely. Spooky!

Here are my official race results:

I am now going to take a long hot shower, then go back into town to pick up some medications and see if I can't find a bicycle shop that's open.

March 12, 2005

This week in running...

Somehow I missed chronicleing Wednesday's 4-miler and yesterday's 7-miler. I took Monday and Tuesday off, as I was getting a show put together and the weather was too bad to run in when I wasn't at the theatre, though it nicely cleared up for a chilly but pleasant 4-mile run on Wednesday. This is the third week in a row that I've done two days off and I know I can't afford to keep doing that.

The 4-miler was OK. Not great, not bad. I keep thinking I'll take the subway to the park, do the laps and then run downhill and finish at home, but it never works out that way. In order to stay warm, I simply run up the hill first and take the subway home while I cool down and stretch. But I wanted to end on a high note, so I simpy went up and down the slope twice, pausing only to hydrate and take off a layer of shirt after the first round-trip.

Yesterday's 7 miles almost got cut short. While not too stressful, I have some pain in my right foot which started quickly, got pretty intense and forced me to slow to a walk. I tried re-tying my shoe, but that didn't help. Finally, the pain settled down to an ache and I ran the rest of the way, though I'm paying for it today. I only walked up hill once, not the second time around the park and I'm happy with that. I hope the foot pain is NOT present for tomorrow's half-marathon!

The doctors have me on Levequin, an antibiotic. It may be my imagination, or just the warmer weather we had yesterday, but my breathing was easier, if not as good as its been in the past. I hope the Levequin continues to help and that I can get back to a more disciplined schedule with more continuous running.

March 6, 2005

Halfway there! Oh my God I hurt!

14 miles today. Not the best run ever, not the worst. I will call it a "messy" 14 miles. Had definite trouble with the hills and walked most of them. Also found the last two miles to be the hardest, even the downhill .7 miles to my house.

My prep was decent, probably should have eaten a bigger breakfast or something; didn't have much energy starting out. After the first lap of the park, I ate my last Gu gel thingie. Will definitely have to stock up on those; I believe they help and I wish I'd had four or five of them with me today. I stayed hydrated pretty well, too.

Halfway through the run, at about mile 8, I ran into a couple old friends. Hadn't seen Mark and Kay in a at leats 18 months, so it was nice to see them, though I couldn't chat long -- too easy to cool off out there. (The temp was 42 degrees today... felt almost warm! But the sun kept coming and going.)

Basically, this one really beat me up, but didn't beat me. I finished running, by God. Makes me appreciate what it takes to do a marathon, though. This was only 14 miles and I am TIRED and HURTING. I do think, though, that with continued training, better attention to carbing up, and some antibiotics to help my lungs regain some power, that these long runs will be a little easier than today's.

Official half-marathon next weekend. This one will be a qualifier for ING 2006.

March 4, 2005

Some Answers Forthcoming; Good Jog

I had a checkup today and my numbers are abysmal. They're lower than they were six months ago! I expressed my frustrations to the doctors, and stressed my concern that its only been in the last three weeks that my lung function has dropped off so severely. Well, I ended up at the hospital for three and a half hours so they could get blood and a lung x-ray, too. Nobody's panicking yet, but I will end up on anatibiotics of some sort. I kind of anticipated that. I've also lost weight; down by four pounds; not good.

Immediately thereafter, I went for a run in Central Park. Six was on the schedule for today, since I had been slacking earlier this week. I made sure to keep hydrating during my hours at the hospital and took albuterol as I stretched out at NYRR, which happens to be mere blocks from the hospital. I told myself that, lung problems or no, I needed to have a good run and get my confidence back. My mantra for this run would be "slow and steady wins the race."

I ran at my most leisurely pace, probably 11:15 or slower. I also improved my running focus and my internal locus of control with a new (or rather newly refined) visualization. It seems that my legs are powered by a bunch of Scottish engineers, in much the nature that a steam train's engine would be run by Scotsman. And my lungs are weaker, less powerful, but gutsy Americans. I know, sounds weird, and I can't explain it. But all through the run, my legs and lungs talked back and forth -- partners in this activity. Mostly the conversation was a continual check-in conversation like so:

Lungs: How you doing down there, Legs?
Legs: Good! How you doing up there, Lungs?
Lungs: OK!

Sometimes the conversation were moral-boosters or checkins on other issues, such as the upcoming terrain, discusison about downshifting to a lower gear perhaps, the Legs convincing the Lungs to keep hydrating with the powerful Rocket Fuel (Gatorade), or the Legs inquiring if the Lungs needed to slow down or walk for a bit when a coughing fit hit.

As bizarre as this sounds, it really really really really really worked! I got through the entire six miles without stopping! And what's wasn't terrible. In fact, some sections actually felt good. I didn't let myself get distracted by non-running concerns and I took it, literally, one step, one breath, at a time.

Overall, this was a good run. I hope that Sunday's 14 miles will be equally decent. Of course, for that to happen, I MUST maintain the discipline of carbing up, hydrating, ibuprofen, etc. All of that feeds into a good run.

Oh, and by the way, I dropped my ING marathon entry into the mail a couple days ago. We'll see if I get selected in the lottery. In the meantime, I have May 1 to look forward to and in the very near future, I think I will be volunteering to help NYRR at the More Marathon, which is for women over 40 only.

March 2, 2005

Extremely Frustrated

Today I got home from work a little early and lit out for a run around Prospect Park. 4 miles. Should be easy, I thought. But it was such a frustrating run!

I got up to the Park OK -- in fact, i got about 2.5 or 3 miles knocked out and then my lungs just seemed to collapse in on themselves. I couldn't run more than a few hundred yards without being so out of breath I'd have to slow for a walk again. I did finish running, I'll say that, but it was so damn difficult -- it feels like I'm right back at square one.

In fact, for the first time in my life, I asked God, out of sheer frustration with my CF, why? Not why do I have CF?, or why me?, but rather why are you making my lungs make this so difficult? especially when it wasn't like this just a couple weeks ago??. Admittedly, I don't talk to God much, nor ask for His help; I'm not sure there really is a God, but I don't entirely doubt His existence, either. But that's a discussion for another time.

For tonight, I can only say that I'm feeling betrayed -- by God, by my body, by my lungs, by any and all circumstances which, after four months of running, have led to being unable to jog a simple four miles.

If whatever's causing my current lung problems doesn't clear up, I'm not sure I'll be able to run the Cincinnatti marathon. Maybe last for a 1/2 marathon, but certainly not the whole thing.

Silver lining tonight: legs and feet are fine. Cool.