I am pissed off

So many things have been disappointing lately; chief among them - ME.

The running is not going well. Work sucks up ALL of my time. I am pedaling like hell and it feels like I'm barely making headway, though apparently I am able to make rent. Not much more than that, but at least I can be pissed off with a roof over my head.

Which is a good thing, because it's been fucking RAINING all damn day. It was like the middle of October around here; we even set a record for the coldest August 21st ever. Global warming my ass.

I don't have time even to go shopping enough to get a decent amount of groceries, buy some envelopes, go the post office, etc. Nothing is getting DONE. Just work, sleep, eat, repeat. And I'm in a pissy mood because work is not going well right now at one particular place.

I did run a little last weekend, around my aunt's neighborhood. Again, not a lot of time for running, but at least the jog felt good.

Here's the fact: I'm not going to run the New York City marthon this year. I WILL continue to try to find enough time to run and perhaps can train up enough to run the Staten Island half a month from now. This will be my third year in a row and I've always enjoyed it. I'm not even going to cancel my entry to the NYM, I'll just not show up. I'll easily have enough NYRR races to qualify for next year. Perhaps, when work slows down and I am, essentially, unemployed for most of November through February (perhaps even longer after that, given how work went today), I will be able to train up for a spring marathon. Make no mistake: I will eventually, someday, run the NY marathon. I HAVE to. But it will take a better summer of running than I had this year, which may mean - really - that that summer will be spent mostly unemployed and hurting for money. But time will be available - and with time comes better attention to my running, my therapies, my eating, my health. What a balancing act. I can either own a home, have no life, and work myself sick; or I can be a fabulously healthy homeless dude.

Well, at least dinner will taste good tonight, and since that is ready; adieu.