Went home early from work today. Lungs didn't want to run. Legs didn't want to run. The Ego did not want to run and the Id most certainly did not want to run. But the SuperEgo would not let me not run. *sigh* godamit - where are my shoes?
This was about as standard a 4-mile run as it gets. Things hurt for two miles; felt chunky, clumsy, uncoordinated. Got better in mile three and felt pretty smooth in mile 4 (though that was mostly downhill). Lungs didn't wholly join in - coughed the entire way, bringing stuff up the entire time. yes, i am back to sliming the park and the sidewalks.
Feet were OK. Minor aches, but not the agonizing shin and calf pain I am afraid of. The calves did get a little crampy, but a little walking and stretching really did the trick. I have discovered that doing circles with my feet, in both directions, seems to help prevent the aforementioned pain. Nice.
Pace was very very steady with a slight ramping up of speed over the 4-miles, nothing too strenuous or fast. Truly a marathon-paced run, I think. I'm happy that I am finally getting some control over my pacing.
I broke my no-alcohol policy and had a beer (leftover from Memorial day) with dinner. Damn I'm getting weak. First it's mixing a little regular java in with my morning cup of de-caf, and now I had a beer with dinner. Next thing you know, I'll be sliding down the slippery slope of slothfulness and only running once a week. Oh, WAIT, that already happens from time to time. Shit. Yeah, I realize this is a little like a vegan worrying that she just drank cow's milk instead of soy milk and all the rest of us are going, "so the fuck what?" but to HER its a big deal because it's a SIGN. A sign that....she is not as disciplined as she wants to be. That she allows human weaknesses to creep into her ideal, that she is soft. (And I really better stop using this metaphor because I don't like referring to myself, even metaphorically, as she.) I most emphatically do not want to become a fat lush suckling freely at the brown teat of Mother Java; but oh man it would be easy......
Point is, the Id seems to be getting its way more and more, somehow influencing Ego to make compromises SuperEgo does not like. While cleaning my blender after making my nutri-shake today, I stabbed myself good with the tines and bled everywhere. Could this be my SuperEgo punishing Id in the only way that makes sense to Id - pain? Or am I just an Id-iot?