a bad run and abject disappointment

Today's run just kept going downhill, starting with a choice not to go to Central Park this morning and do 6 mi with the marathon trainees. Instead, since the temperature was predicted to be only mid-80's today, I opted for a 5 miler in Prospect Park. That didn't go so well, either. To be honest, it was the worst run I've had in a couple of months.

Starting up the hill was much harder than it should have been and the temperature wasn't even 80 degrees yet. The run was OK going down the south hill and headed east, but then as I got around the lake and started up hill again, it just got bad.

My runner's knees are coming back. I haven't been to PT in a week, since we've got to work it out with insurance, and it's showing. Sure, I could be doing more TKE's and foam rolls, but I'm really missing the stretches Amy can put on me and the stim. So my knees were slightly achy even setting out and slowly got worse; my hips were joining the chorus too.

More importantly, though, and the reason I had to slow to a walk, was that my lungs simply wouldn't cooperate. My coughing wouldn't stop and I ended up with dry heaves at the top of run uphill towards the park. That should have been a big clue, but I pressed on, going into the park and even the downhill took extra effort today. I kept slowing my pace as I rounded the lake, trying to get my lungs to catch up with me, but I was forced to slow to a walk and even then I could hardly catch my breath. I got another half-mile of jogging in before I had to call it quits. I walked the rest of the 5 mile route.

I stopped and stretched a long time exiting the park and reflected on my body as a whole. Yes, I know I'm reaching my mid-30's, and that any newcomer to running (and I don't kid myself -- I'm still a complete newbie at this) is going to have ups and downs and experience many of the problems I've had at my age. The Cystic Fibrosis and crappy foot mechanics add to the mix, too, but it just seems some days that my body is falling apart. Knees, ankles, hips, lungs, abdomen -- hell, even my right clavicle hurt today, what the fuck's up with THAT??

I think the running helps - it has to. Excercise won't make me any younger, but it can slow aging considerably and strengthen weak systems. My heart is at a lower resting heart rate than its been in a decade or more, and my lungs (when not suffering asthma attack or infection) have better capacity than in the last two or three years. This is all very positive. But the long-term isn't what I focus on when I'm out running. I'm considerably zoomed in on the here-and-now. Getting THIS run done, ignoring THESE little pains, etc. Some days, it just all adds up to too much.

This entry isn't so much a complaint, as an honest appraisal of my state of fitness and a self pep-talk. I know that bad runs will happen - they're balanced by the surprisingly good ones. I know that I'm not going to be an elite runner, like Derek or Chelle - my goals are tailored for what my body can do. I know that this frustration and today's bodily civil war is temporary.

On a related note, I listened to Jerry Cahill's most recent podcast and was pleasantly surprised to hear him interview another Cystic who runs, Tom Grotta! Grotta has done up to a half-marathon, IIRC, and of course highly recommends running and drinking lots of water to help keep CF under control. It turns out that until his mid- to late-30's, Cahill himself ran extensively too, and even ran a few marathons! It's VERY comforting to know that other Cystics have done this before and continue to do so. I really must email Jerry sometime and perhaps meet him.