March 13, 2010
Happy first D-day to me
I guess I can blow out the candle, but I'll pass on the cupcake.
A year ago today, I had the first clinical indications of my diabetes, in the form of high BG readings in routine pre-IV bloodwork. I have to say that I think I have handled it well and have made the adjustment masterfully. It helps that being overweight is not a part of the problem, as it is with so many other diabetics, and that I was already quite active, so I didn't have to start an exercise habit that was brand new. And, too, I was already used to daily therapy regimines; so adding a little more wasn't too burdensome. I basically just had to start counting carbs, checking blood sugar, injecting insulin, and avoiding mega-doses of sugar.
The only real qualitative change this has made in my life is that now Aisle 13 is a no-go zone, and except for relationship or religious reasons, Halloween, Easter, and Valentine's are non-participatory holidays - just meaningless squares on the calendar, now. Feels a little bit like Lent all the time.
Aside from that, I'm not avoiding sugary foods - I'm dosing enough insulin to control my blood glucose. This is more or less successful, depending on what foods, and how much exercise I'm also getting.
I find it interesting that a year ago I wrote:
This is killing me. It's just fucking killing me. I feel like I'm on a carnival ride and about to puke and all I can do is ride it out, because I have no control over the situtation.
I don't feel like that about diabetes anymore. I've been given the tools of control and the basic training. But I do feel like that about this post-tussive syncope. As I remarked to a friend last night at Apple Bar, I'm concerned about this phenomenon because I have zero control over it, other than trying to remember to, what, stand up slowly? Not stand up when coughing? That's not a positive control. And unlike a temporary low or high in BG, which can be felt and treated quickly before things get dangerous, this syncope sneaks up on you and turns you off as with a switch. Then the switch turns back on a little bit later. I'm not thrilled with that.
On the other hand, this latest episode has made me unafraid of transplant surgery and a little less afraid of death. I mean, if I can get hurt like I did and not even remember it or feel it happening, then surgery should be OK - it'll just hurt AFTER. :) As for death...I only hope it is that sudden. It will be very peaceful.