very VERY upset

I am extremely upset. I was supposed to run this morning; I was supposed to be in the 4m race in Central Park. But I didn't!

My left foot had been feeling better yesterday, but this morning, the pain was right back up there and even walking to the subway I had a bad feeling. Making the transfer from the R train to the 2 train got me thinking. I very much wanted to go participate in the run; I WANT TO BE BACK ON TRACK! But a little insistent voice kept reminding me that a) I don't really know what this pain is and that it's not good that it hasn't gone away, b) running on it could make it worse and TRULY condemn my chances at the marathon next weekend, and c) discretion is often the better part of valour.

But part of me is just in outright panick. Is my training slipping away? Will I be healed enough to tackle even the half-marathon next weekend? I don't know what's going on and I don't know what to do. I can't figure out why my foot isn't healing!

So I took the R train home and am feeling very unhappy and miserable. My plan is twofold: a) go to rehearsal today and concentrate on that and then go party tonight for Second Night Seder and just...clear my head of running for 24 hours; and b) Monday morning get on the phone with a couple of foot doctors and get the first appointment I can and AT LEAST get their professional opinion on whether next weekend is doable. If they can give me painkillers that will let me do that marathon, then I would do that. After all, my next for-sure marathon isn't until November 2006! And I only have to get in four more qualifiers before the end of this year....which means, in short, that after May 1, I can take a couple of MONTHS off of running (and instead rollerblade and bicycle) to let injuries fully heal.

I'm just so fucking agitated about this setback. I'm worried that this is the second race I've dropped out of and that next weekend I'll fail to live up to my committment to my family. :(